Emotional Restrainment

When I was in my last years in high school, I’ve noticed myself being emotional at certain situations. I said to myself: — “I have to do something about it. I don’t like to be under the control of my feelings”. So, I started to pay more attention to what I was doing and how I was reacting to things.

It seemed like a good idea. The more I control myself the better version of me I’d become. In 10 years I realized I had some progress in controlling my positive emotions, and no luck in dealing with my negative ones. In fact, I suppressed whatever was positive in my life, leaving all the negative reactions unleashed. It became a real problem. The level of my irritation and anticipation was rising while I stopped receiving any inspirational signals.
Another 10 years have passed, and I found myself struggling to express any positive emotion at the same time drowning in the irritation.

To be continued